4:30 PM
I’ve been here in Chuuk now for about four months. Now, in a time of advent with Christmas coming so near, I have been trying to give thought to some idea of what does Christmas mean here. What does it mean for the Chuukese people? Or better yet what does Christmas mean to me? Having this time of being away from family and friends, I know it’s really easy and cliché to say that its not about the presents. But can we really embody all that that means. Can we get beyond the commercialism of Christmas? I wonder if I can. As a Jesuit Volunteer I am supposed to be taking the questions of justice and simple living to heart. Yet I so often find myself struggling with whether or not I am actually doing that, whether I am actually able to put some action behind these values that I am trying to instill into my life. I know that it’s easy for someone to get the idea that of course I am living these out, yet its not so simple. It never really is. It’s a matter of allowing oneself, and world to be broken apart. There is not denying that I come from a society where buying drives everything. Where its not a matter of what you are, but what you have. How do I break down and shatter these mindsets that have been so beaten into my mind for the past 22 years, in 22 months. I guess that’s my challenge of being here. Can I reverse the evils that my culture has affected upon me? Wiping away the ugly parts, and recycling all the good ones to hopefully find a better man at the end of this all. But then again, who is this all for? Who am I doing this for? Me? The community I serve? That is never a simple question to look at? But the Ignatian motto of doing all and everything for the greater glory of God does shed some light. So what does Christmas mean? What am I doing with myself, during this advent season? Its difficult to come to the time of advent every year after year and find the same homilies in church. Try to fight consumerism. It is too easy to lose sight of Jesus amongst all the Santa Clauses, wrapping paper, and Christmas trees. But who am I to talk, I walk through the stores and get that tingly feeling of Christmas that we sing about in the Carols. Oh but still this feels so empty. I still feel that I am getting no where with myself and truly embodying a more socially conscious mind set. And I hate feeling so superficial and almost like a Social Justice Poser. There are so many people that I look up to and admire, and people I could be more like. And it all comes down to a matter of being less superficial and a whole lot more genuine. I don’t know if I am able to truly know exactly what this all means or if I will get to that point of being satisfied with myself. But I have something to strive for, and I know that I am blessed to have people to look up to and guide me along this path. So what is Christmas about…I have seemed successful in turning this into a self evaluation of myself and for that I am sorry, but if anything maybe I can leave that up to you to answer as I continue to discern what that means for me. I know it means love, I know it means hope. I know it means being with the ones you love, and I think of that I am most scared of missing this Christmas. For many reasons do I fear missing that. You see I have already been ripped out of my comfort zone and thrown into a new place away from all familiarity, friends and family. Over the past four months I have developed a new comfort zone, made new friends, and expanded my family. This is good, and would leave me feeling okay with celebrating Christmas away from home, but I sadly won’t be here in my new comfort zone for Christmas either. You see, there is a basketball tournament in Pohnpei (the capital state of
